Liverpool 1-1 Manchester United
Fergie pissed his pants once again and called up Tony Pulis for tactical advice. Ended up starting 9 defensive players out of eleven. The first half was so boring that I almost went to sleep, while the second half was as entertaining and controversial as Bill O’Reilly. Liverpool opened the scoring when Adam was “brought down” by Rio Ferdinand, who was tempted to tackle a sprinting tortoise, running 10 feet away from him. On the ensuing freekick, Giggs moved his groin to a place where it shouldn’t be (yet again) and Gerrard scored by kicking the ball through the hole created by Giggs. Hernandez scored off a corner when Liverpool’s defense just decided to take a nap. Post-match, a bitter Frenchman claimed that Suarez made racist comments ten times, none of which were picked up by the million cameras in the stadium.
ManCiteh 4-1 Aston Villa
The Sheikh’s millions produce yet another brilliant display and result to take them to the top of table. The Drama Queen comes up with a spectacular bicycle kick to open the scoring. It’s just unfair that they have Dzeko, Silva and Nasri on the bench.
Norwich City 3-1 Swansea City
Swansea City pulling off another Blackpool. Pretty football with nothing to show for it. Good to see Norwich City winning a game. Although I’d put my money on both these teams to get relegated.
QPR 1-1 Blackburn
Rovers can’t beat QPR? Jesus! Proof that Indians shouldn’t be allowed to own a football club. (It ain’t racist, ‘cause I am one too)
Stoke City 2-0 Fulham
Pulis is proving once again that not playing football can win you games too.
Chelsea 3-1 Everton
The plastic flags beat the plastic bags comfortably. What a signing Mata is turning out to be! Sturridge is having a brilliant so far too.
Robin Van Persie/Arsenal 2-1 Sunderland
It’s a bad sign when Theo Walcott takes freekicks. RVP, the saving grace for Arsene. It will be funny if/when he decides not to sign the contract. And Steve Bruce, you suck. So much money spent and you still have 6 points out of 8 games. Shame on you!
Newcastle 2-2 Spurs
Ameobi produces a classic finish (enough to make one wet) to maintain Toons’ unbeaten streak. The self-destructive Mike Ashley hasn’t been able to influence any losses for his team and I can see him seething inside. Spurs must feel hard done, but I am quite happy because Harry Redknapp is a fucking douchebag.
Results no one really cares about:
Wigan 1-3 Bolton
WBA 2-0 Wolves